There’s a story there…somewhere

Installment Two: Saga of the Search for Speedy Internet

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• by Lizann Flatt
• with 0 Comments

(Go back and read Introduction and One first. Seriously.)

The saga of my quest for better than dialup continues….and I swear I’m not making any of this up.

Remember how we left off with the gal going to phone me back to see which service I’d like, the portable internet or rural internet? Guess what?

She never called back.

So the next day I called back. Of course it was an entirely new person and I went through the spiel of where I was at, saying I wanted to go with the rural modem. He started to talk me into portable, saying it was better: I could take it wherever I went, and it was faster than rural.

I paraphrase, but essentially express that frankly I could care less about taking it with me, it’s here that I need the damned thing to work. And, well, how fast is rural anyway?

He says 2mbps.

I think, “Buddy, that’s fast–I’m on DIALUP. Get it?!?!”

But he says to try the modem and he goes away to activate it. LOUD classical music blares into my ear. He comes back and says okay, plug it in now. He’s so full of anticipation I can feel it through the phone. “What’s it doing now?” he asks.

“The same endless tracking back and forth,” I reply.

Then he asks me to plug in my computer. I say, “Well, I already packed all those cords up again but okay, I’ll go unfurl everything and plug it into my computer.”

Then he says, “What’s it doing now?”

The same thing: Endlessly. Tracking. Back and forth.

So he says to try the northwest corner of my house.

“I already did that,” I say. “But I’ll do it again if it’ll make you feel better.” Okay, so I didn’t actually speak that last sentence. I sure as hell thought it. So there I am trying the same damn rooms in my house again. “Are you supposed to wait while I do this?” I ask.

“Sort of,” he says.

So there’s no change in the endlessly tracking green lights after two locales. He says to try all the rooms in my house and he’ll call back in a bit.

Um, yeah, sure. Whatever. So I hang up politely. I try the other couple rooms again just for the helluvit and to be a good sport and of course there’s no difference.

Does he call back?

Nope.

So I remained,
a techno peasant.

[Go to Installment Three]

Saga of the Search for Speedy Internet: Installment One

• Saved in: Saga of Search for Speedy Internet, There's a story there...somewhere
• by Lizann Flatt
• with 0 Comments

I’ve already set up the background to my endless quest for better-than-dialup in my introduction to this sorry saga. And note that while I could have gone the satellite route, that was definitely an absolute last and worst case scenario. I was holding out for better.

It all began in mid April 2009. I decided that part of my problem was that I was an Unknown to Big Communications Corporation (BCC) responsible for doling out internet services. I’d been getting my dialup from an independent company and perhaps it was time I showed myself up on BCC’s radar. So I decided to do just that. I drove 20 minutes to the BCC store to sign up for their damned dialup.

After waiting for my turn, I explained I wanted to sign up for their dialup service. Guy asks me if I wouldn’t rather have something else. I couldn’t help thinking, well Duh, but you won’t let me. I express my doubts about my eligibility, but he takes my phone number and punches it in and says, “Well, um, yeah, that’s right. Dialup.”

No, really? Forgive my brain for dripping with sarcasm. Anyway, the guy then tells me they don’t do that (sign you up for dialup) anymore at the store. He hands me a business card with a phone number scrawled on the back and says call this number.

So I drive home.

I call. And I get connected overseas. I listen really hard to the spiel about levels of dialup service and pick one. The guy is very nice and trying hard to be helpful. But then the guy asks me don’t I want faster service than that?

Hell yeah, but you people keep telling me I can’t have anything else!!!

Guy says, “No, you can have [redacted name of portable wireless service that may or may not start with ‘W’].”

So I ask if he’s sure about that. He says, “Well, you get cell service right? You use a cell phone?”

Yes, we do.

He says, “Then sure you can have it, no problem.” He goes through the spiel on those service and price levels and I waffle a bit, think, then say well okay then, send it on over. What the crap am I waffling for??? (Did I mention I hate making snap decisions?)

So it arrives. I am too busy to deal with it that day. The next day I pull the big ugly modem out of the box and plug it in according to the directions in the lovely setup booklet. I carefully align the modem with the logo side facing in and the back towards a window.  I plug it in to the electric outlet and I hold my breath and wait. No signal. Endless blinking of the green lights as they track back and forth looking for a signal. Book says to try another room in the house.

So I do.
All of them!!! Except the damn bathrooms.
Nothing. Big plastic piece o’ poo!!!

I get on the phone to find out how to return the damn thing and get my 99 bucks back. The lady says she’ll look me up to find my closest tower.

I’m like, why? But what the hell, I wait. I wait more. She puts me on hold. Some really LOUD classical music tries to calm me down or something. She comes back and says the tower is towards the northeast corner of my house.

Like I know where that is??!!

Okay, so I figure it out after a moment. I go up and try, with her on the line. I had already tried this room but I’ll try the other window, which involves moving furniture to find an electrical outlet. Did I mention hubby is out? Anyway, I plug it in. We wait. I watch the lights track back and forth endlessly once again.

So then she says, “Well, you could try rural internet instead if you want.”

HUNH??? Why do I get all these options all of a sudden???

But I ask, “What is that?” Apparently it’s a modem they stick on the outside of your house and a cable goes inside to your computer and the technician doesn’t leave until it’s working or you don’t have to pay for it. That’s a few more coins a month, of course. Figures. But she says no problem, I can get it, cause I’m 5km from the tower and you have to be within 15km.

So I waffle, I think, and did I mention I hate being pressured for a snap decision–any decision? So I asked her to tell me about the service and she goes away to process something like the credit for my current piece o’ poo and I listen to some really LOUD classical music. All of a sudden she comes back and says while she’s looking into my account she realizes that my modem won’t work because it hasn’t been activated, and do I want her to activate it.

Did I mention I hate making decisions under pressure? So I ask her which service is better, rural or the portable thing I have that might yet possibly maybe but no guarantee work if it’s activated. She says the rural is better because it’s faster. But seems to me I recall choosing the slower of the two portable options I could have chosen and now I’m so damn confused I can’t think straight.

Oh, and the girls are now having a fight about the chess game they are attempting to play incorrectly.

And I’m just behaving like an airhead. So she offers to call me tomorrow and see what I want. Thank god.

So I remained a techno peasant.

[Go to Installment Two]

Search for Speedy Internet Service: A Saga

• Saved in: Saga of Search for Speedy Internet, There's a story there...somewhere
• by Lizann Flatt
• with 2 Comments

January’s not over yet, so I figure I still have time to squeak in another one of those retrospective type posts, right?

I already mentioned the best thing for me in my professional writing life in 2009. What about the second best thing? That has to be Getting High Speed Internet Service. Yes, complete with capitals and italics. Why was this such a big deal?

Um, imagine trying to blog, set up and maintain a website, work with an editor at a book packager to send and retrieve photo selections, send manuscripts, send and receive documents with tracked changes, and download pdfs for final editing all on DIALUP! And I should mention that all that needs to be done while SHARING a single telephone and internet line with your hubby who also runs a business out of the home. !!!

Okay, so I mostly didn’t do all that on dialup. I left the building, so long as I could work around the family schedule, and made use of public libraries and the local coffee house and the rec centre which all offered free WiFi. Thank god for their existence and may they be handsomely patronized and thrive forever and ever amen is all I have to say on that.

The ability to do all I need to do to keep up and keep on from my own home work space has made my life a whole lot easier. I count myself very, very fortunate. But you can be forgiven for wondering why I’m going on and on about this. Couldn’t I just sign up for better internet?

Nope.

I tried for years, like at least 5 of them, to get better than dialup service. The answer was always no, sorry, you’re not in an area where we can offer that service.

This didn’t make any sense whatsoever to me. I had people who had highspeed internet to the left of me, people who had highspeed internet to the right of me. And yet I, apparently, was not eligible. I was not worthy. But I could not wrap my head around that, especially when there is only one wire that GOES RIGHT BY MY HOUSE?!

Okay, so I have no real leg to stand on when it comes to technological know-how. It just seemed bizarre. Yes, I live in the boonies, but I’m a main road boony resident not a backroad boony resident. And it was the way I was being denied when my neighbours were not that irked me so much.

So I called every 6 months to ask, politely, if I could sign up. I’d get a junkmail flyer proudly announcing some new internet service or package available NOW in my area. I’d call or I’d fill out the form on the internet with my details. I always got the same result: Nope, sorry, enjoy your dialup.

But one day…

Well, this is getting rather long, isn’t it? In fact, it’s a pretty long story overall. It’s a Saga, I’m not kidding. But I promise it’s pretty entertaining, especially if you’ve ever tried to talk to a big Corporate Conglomerate about anything.

I’ll start the installments tomorrow.

[Go directly to Installment One]