So I’m sitting in the stands in an arena, because I am in arenas a lot between my kids’ figure skating or hockey, and I’m reading a book. But since I write for kids I’m reading a book for kids: Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Roderick Rulesby Jeff Kinney. After my daughter got it out of the library and gobbled it up, then my son grabbed it and declared it a winner, so it was my turn at last.
Okay, so anyway I’m reading it and chuckling away when another skater’s mother walked by behind me. She checked out my book, and I’m sure it wasn’t just my imagination that “my” book’s graphic presentation, the large typeface, the cartoons, caused a raised eyebrow. She proceeded to sit down in the next seat section and pull out a Norah Roberts paperback.
Yellow Orange The colours don’t get any better than this. I’d say we have reached peak colour. Since this past weekend was Canadian Thanksgiving it couldn’t have happened at a better time.
Some of the treetops are getting bare. Won’t be long now till they’re totally bare. Sigh.
Another one of those writing things that bugs me (see previous rant on screaming) is when writers have their characters say things all together or altogether or they all answer in unison. It always makes me stop short. It kicks me out of that story world. Yes, if you’re old enough to have heard a record scratching then I hear a record scratching. Insert said sound.
Do people act like this in reality? Does more than one kid say the exact same sentence at exactly the same time?
“We want some of your chocolate chip cookies, Mommy,” the three kids all said together.* * [Don’t even get me started on the proliferation of chocolate chip cookies in stories]
Come on, no way, right? Are they reading a script? Are those kids robots? So don’t write that in your stories.
I get that sometimes people will say sort of the same thing more or less together. Maybe everyone cheers or boos or hollers or something. That’s fine. But not in complete sentences.
Maybe it’s more like: “Mom, can I have a cookie?” Carson asked. “Yeah, me too,” said Mark. “Chocolate chip, please.” “And me!” added Stanley. “Don’t forget me!”
Wordier, definitely, but definitely more realistic.
So does this “all together thing” ever work? Are you dying to tell me you’ve seen it in: insert title here? Yes, you know there are always exceptions. But the one I can think of is a lot of years old. The Little Engine That Could by Watty Piper has reams of characters saying the exact same sentence at the exact same time (“said all the dolls and toys together”). So why does it work?
Simple: It’s old.
So it’s allowed to sound old, or okay, old-fashioned. Think of the precedent set by all kinds of voices reciting a single sentiment in unison: the chorus in Greek tragedies. Hey, it works too, but like it’s a Greek tragedy. Is that the flavour you want to invoke for your writing voice?
So yes, if you want to create an old-fashioned feel or a folk tale or a large tale or even a bunch of robots then by all means give it a try. But don’t insert this in the middle of your modern story or you’ll hear that record scratching (oh, okay, maybe a CD skipping…or the sudden silence of crickets chirping after someone yanks your iPod ear buds outta your ears).
(Disclaimer: Lizann really does enjoy her work as an instructor for the Institute of Children’s Literature, where she can help writers not to do this. Unless of course they really want to.)
This past week I was lucky enough to be driving through Algonquin Park. I could have stopped to admire the view at least 18 times. But the view above was one that I couldn’t pass by.
If I turned around this was the view behind me. Not so bad either. I particularly like that moose danger sign you can sorta see. But just as I was snapping this photo with my tiny Kodak, about four or five other cars pulled in behind me one after the other. Out jumped people with seriously huge telephoto lenses: Serious photographers. So me and my little pocket model sorta slunk away.
Back at home this week we had a couple sunny days. At this time of year when the sky is sunny it can be so blue it practically hurts your eyes. The fall sky is my favourite sky, absolutely! And when you look down we’re starting to get the leaf carpet.
