I had an amazing time at the SCBWI NY 2010 conference. Being surrounded by people who share a passion for writing and illustrating for kids is energizing. There is no better complete rundown of the conference than the SCBWI Team Blog, but here are a few gems I gathered.
Strive for the small unexpected moments that surprise you as you write. ~Libba Bray
Re social networking: Be yourself because everyone else is taken. ~Jenn Bailey
Feel what’s happening in your story as you’re writing it. If you’re not, the scene isn’t working. ~Jacqueline Woodson
Draw or write every day for the fun of putting ink on paper. ~Jim Benton
Be professional, and remember your job as a writer is to write. ~Sheldon Fogelman
So I’m making dinner and I’m not holding out much hope that I’ll be called back even though Big Communications Corporation (BCC) Phone Guy has promised he would, because I’ve SO been there, when the phone rings.
It’s hubby. I explain disappointment is nothing personal. Tap dance a little. Hang up.
I continue being amateur chef beating up on onions, garlic, red pepper, and sausage. Phone rings again.
It’s Phone Guy! He says everything’s all set but the only thing is, can Installation Setup Guy come on Friday? That’s like in two days. I’m having company then: my sister and niece and nephew whom I haven’t seen in awhile. I weigh options.
Too bad, the family will have to deal. (Actually, they’ll probably be really happy Installation Setup Guy will be here while they’re here if it means they’ll never ever have to listen to my carping and whining about being on dialup ever again.)
So I agree to Friday for Installation Setup Guy, profusely thank BCC Phone Guy and hang up. I am happy but not ecstatic. Been too long, come too far. Something or other about counting chickens and hatching eggs.
So Installation Setup Guy Arrival day arrives. He himself arrives. Thoughtfully leaves his boots at the door. I show him computer and nearby phone jack. I leave him to work some magic. I join the family wreaking havoc upstairs when he pops his head in and asks if he can use the phone.
Gulp. Okay. Pass him the cordless.
I hear him talking, fiddling, doing some stuff. He calls me to the computer. Apologizes but says he was having some trouble getting the System Setup to recognize me.
Hah! Why am I not surprised? I say apologetically, “Uh, well, apparently we had to be added manually to The System, or something.”
He nods sagely. He goes through the setup screens with me. Says we should be getting faster than what it’s currently giving us but that he has to get a switch flicked at another location which he is not authorized to do himself (!?). He shows me lovely white router which he has unwrapped fresh from the box. Explains all about it. Patiently tells me about the filter doohickeys that now have to go on all phones all over the house. Says he has to go hook up Some Other Guy nearby now and leaves me his cell number in case of a problem.
Wow!
So Installation Setup Guy puts his boots back on and leaves. Family and I play with the internet just a little to prove it works. I am giddy at the speed of things. Here! At Home! But it’s the summer and the sun is calling so we leave for awhile. When we come back, the router is not working. No lovely green lights on it anymore. Red ones. Damn!!!
But I resist my urge to freak completely. I phone Installation Setup Guy’s cell. He answers: “It’s not working anymore, is it?”
“Right,” I reply in a voice that I hope doesn’t sound as squeaky to him as it does to me.
“No problem,” he says. He tells me Big Communications Corporation has to change something at the main “office” box in Smalltown, and the guy who is authorized to do that can’t do it until tomorrow. It should be all set by about noon.
Um, tomorrow is Saturday. I am skeptical but keep it to myself. I thank him politely and hang up. Saturday we are out at one of the many festivals this tourist region has to offer. We return home. I glance at lovely white router. It’s got green lights on it!!!!!
So we play with the internet. We call up YouTube just because we CAN. We sample snippets of the top 10 iTunes tunes. We search for stuff on Google. We look at satellite images. We LOVE IT!!! I am not so sure what our data plan is, but I am not thinking about that right now. Right now, who cares?!
Then, a day or so later, the up-until-now mythical Return Kit arrives for portable plastic piece o’ poo modem. Yay! I send it packing. Hah!
And then—
And then I get another package in the mail. BCC has sent me a lovely new white router in a shrink-wrapped box.
!!
It is identical to lovely white router Installation Setup Guy already installationed. I look at new white router-in-box. I look at lovely white already-working router. I quietly place new white router-in-box on top of computer desk. I have determined my best course of action here: New white router-in-a-box collects dust. It makes a nice paperweight, really.
And there it remains to this day, because I remain at long, long, long last a techno peasant no longer.
Where we left off: I’ve just been told I can’t return something I don’t have in the first place, meaning that what I do need to return I can’t return yet.
A week goes by before I get up the courage to phone Big Communications Corporation (BCC) again. I am not looking forward to explaining that I don’t have a g.d. rural modem, I just want to return this stupid portable plastic piece o’ poo modem so I can get my money back. This time I get a guy who puts up with my initial stumbling and awkward attempts to describe the situation succinctly.
“So let me make sure I’ve got this right,” he says. “You had the technician out but he never left you a rural modem?”
“Yes!” I practically holler. Then I explain again about the one I do have.
Hey then says that technically, because I’ve had the portable modem for over 30 days, it usually means I’d have to keep it.
Stunned silence on my part.
Then I manage not to yell: “If you tell me that I have to keep it now, I’m going to have a brain hemorrhage.”
I seriously said that. Me!
“No,” he says, “No problem.” He can override that apprently.
I say, “So I’m not going to get a call later on saying I can’t have a return kit because you don’t take back rural modems?”
Nope, he says. He’s sending me out the return kit himself.
All right then. I’ll have to just take that as it is then, won’t I?
“Is there anything else I can do?” the guy offers.
He’s being so friendly and helpful, I decide to go for it. I try to explain that I am looking for internet services and although BCC says I can have nothing but dialup my neighbours have DSL and when the tech was here he verified that I’m not on a loaded line even though the BCC database says I am and that I’m on the same cable 400whateverpointwhatever as the neighbours that do have DSL and that all that info had gone on to The Powers That Be but that I’d not heard anything since and what do I do now? (Or something to that effect.)
“Well,” he says, “Would you like me to check on that for you?”
“Um, okay, yes thanks, that would be great,” I manage to squeak out.
So I’m on hold. And on hold. Classical music, natch, but this time the volume has been set to an ear tolerating level. Thank god. Maybe someone else complained.
After a bit he comes back and says he has good news and some okay news. I try not to shout: What??
Fearing the worst, I brace myself for his answer. He says, yes, we can have DSL but we can only have some kinda minimum DSL lite service.
Excuse me? I got stopped processing after the part where he said I COULD have DSL. Did I just hear that right? So I fumble for something to say and manage, “Um, what is that service? Could you describe that for me please?”
He rather apologetically tells me the parameters, that it is only going to be about 1.5 mbps, and all I can think is: “Buddy, I’m workin’ with 56k here!!!!!! WHO CARES?!?!”
“Would you like to sign up for that?” he asks.
I waffle for a second. (Remember I can’t make snap decisions?) And then I decide to go for it.
So he taps some keys, taps some more, then asks if he can put me on hold again.
Ugh. You’re kidding, I think. I’m positive this is not promising, but I say sure.
More classical music. I get a look at the time. Crap! Gotta start dinner. So I trap the cordless phone between my ear and shoulder in some sort of Quasimodo impression and start chopping up stuff for dinner.
The guy comes back on the line and says he’s very sorry for the delay and could he keep me on hold for just a little longer. Uh, okay. Damn, why am I starting to think he’s going to revoke that offer of highspeed internet lite with some sort of a “Ha ha, just kidding”? I take it out on the onions I’m chopping.
The guy comes back again. He apologizes yet again and says his system isn’t allowing him to put in my request and that it will have to be done by some Other Branch of BCC and can he call me back.
Oh yes, you do hear a pin drop.
“Okay,” I say meekly. I hang up. Sob. No wait, that was induced by the onions, I swear.
And so I remained ever and ever still a techo peasant.
Catch up reading Intro, One, Two, Three, and Four first. K? It makes this all the more painful. Trust me.
So I did my duty. I waited a month.
In fact, it was more than a month. It’s now July. At about 6 weeks after my last contact with a real person, a real nice person in the form of Max the Technician Guy, over my eligibility for better-than-dialup internet, I phone the secret number. I get an auto-answering message. So I leave what I hope is a credible and understandable summary of the situation (yeah, I know, how to condense it all in 30 seconds? Not possible…but I tried).
No reply.
So more time goes by. Another week. I call again. Same message on the other end but I only leave my name and phone number.
More time.
I call again and hang up when I get the message. I try the put-in-your-number on the BCC website to see-what-services-you-can-have thing just for the helluvit, and its pronouncement is: Dialup.
Then it hits me that I still have this stupid useless hunk of a plastic piece o’ poo modem sitting here. !! Wasn’t I supposed to get a return kit so I could send the thing back?
I call regular main BCC number. I explain that I want to return my portable internet modem, give my particulars, and “No I Am Not Going To Try Anything To Get It To Work Right Now,” I say. Because I’ve been there.
Yep. So been there.
Then the guy says: “The System says you have a rural modem.” So I explain that no, the technician came out but didn’t find a signal so we never got a rural modem.
Oh, fine, he will send out the kit then. Did I want anything else today?
I choke out the request for dialup. I get connected overseas. I hear that dialup will cost me $26 a month.
WHAT?! I am not amused.
The guys says, “But it’s unlimited.”
So???? It’s dialup. I kinda need to use the phone sometimes! (And on the most heavily used months on my current plan I’ve only gone over ONCE and even then I only paid $17.) I can’t deal with the whole thing so I hang up on the guy. Sorry.
That night there’s a message on my phone from some Christine. She says she sees here that we want to return a rural modem but they don’t do that–you have to take them down yourself and if I have any questions to please call.
I’m Speechless.
At a complete loss for words. I mean, I can hardly speak. In fact, I just can’t deal with it. I do not give her a call.